Unisex bathrooms aren’t that simple

A response to a recent post:   “I don’t really understand why the transgendered girl would not be willing to use the unisex bathroom at school.”

You bring up good points. And, I think the question (implicitly stated) is important – as it’s the only way to increase understand on all sides. One of the main difficulties in dealing with trans* issues has been a reluctance, by both supporters and those opposed, to actually ask questions (meaning seeking information) & to actually address the questions (instead of dismissing them).

You state that you’re not clear on “why [they’re] not willing to use unisex bathroom”. I get that it’s difficult to understand – and thank you for being open to that. It’s also difficult to explain to a cis person. However, both views are real experiences and need to be acknowledged. The trans* experience includes issues of inconvenience and stigma. Here’s my view.

To clarify the importance and the impact of a willingness to use a specific restroom I point out that according to the Williams Institute, UCLA, 2013 – 54% of transgender people suffer physical implications including kidney and urinary tract infections. This is caused by avoiding restrooms for an entire day due to 70% of transgender people reporting intimidation, discrimination, forced lack of access and even physical attacks. Restroom use is a decision of great importance to a trans* person – not a trivial desire.

As a personal experience – IUSB (my university) has 2 buildings each with a single “Family” restroom (6 buildings on campus). I use them when in one of those buildings. But, they’re not family restrooms as they have no changing table – and people on campus talk about that. And, I walk past the Men’s, past the Women’s and into that one. It’s in a heavily travelled area and thus evident to anyone around. I can say that I felt very intimidated at first and it did label me to some before I was fully out. I expect as a child it would very marginalizing as it just brings attention to it every day.

Now, this does not negate the feelings of parents or students. Fear and discomfort are real to everyone. And, I understand that the schools creating a separate bathroom is, at least at times, a true gesture of wanting a compromise. We also really do need to be mindful of other’s feelings. That’s why I advocate more information and open discussion (on all sides) – in order to increase understanding.

An example is that, while fears of predation are real – the reality is that there is no increase when public accommodation protections are in place. We have multiple states and many cities in America that have LGBT ordinances in place. Minnesota has had these in place on a state level since 1993 – with no issues due to the protections.

This does not mean that something couldn’t happen or that the fear is not real, only that there is evidence that there is no increase in problems. Neither trans* people, nor those posing as such actually cause issues.

Similarly, the idea that different physical parts on a person is an issue is based on social admonitions. No one should ever know what parts I have – nor you. That is and should be illegal. Also, we allow males into women’s restrooms (with their different parts) when a child or as a caregiver. The parts themselves are not a problem. And, while the fear or discomfort is real, the understanding that there is not actual danger can…perhaps, and hopefully…help us just go to the restroom, wash our hands, and go on with our day.